Sunday, August 25, 2013

Going Away to College

Yes, I know. It's been a while. For those of you whose happiness and sense that all is right in the world depend on my blog, I offer my sincerest apologies. I'd love to say I've been busy at the banquet, but the truth is, at first I was doing a whole lot of nothing, which has since been replaced by a whole lot of working. I've nothing exciting to report.

What I do have to report is what seems to be the imminent end of my world. Remember in Inertia when I wrote about how I really, really want to do something until it's time to do it? I talked about going to concerts and other events and even my close friend's wedding? Well, a pattern's not a pattern for nothing, so here I am again, about to do something I once was so excited about and now out and out dread.

So what did stupid me get myself into now? College. Goddamn mother fucking college. Like a damn fool, I went out and got myself a job teaching college, and now I have no choice but to do it.


Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

Did I mention fuck?

Or how about the fact that I hate doing things I've never done before, that no matter how prepared I may be, when I haven't done something before, I totally don't feel like I know what I'm doing and just know I'm going to come across as a complete fool, Lucy-wrapping-chocolates style? Or how about that I hate to drive yet took a job 40 miles away from home that's going to keep me out of the house not thirteen, not fourteen, and no, not fifteen hours on Mondays and Wednesdays but a whopping sixteen? Or that I still don't know the best way to get to or from work so I keep taking different routes every time I go, one of which I'm sure will end up getting me so lost I'll have no idea how to get found?

Did I mention any of that?

All right, fine.



I might be overreacting just a tad. Maybe exaggerating my dread. Perhaps hyperbolizing the severity of the situation.

It might not really be as bad as I'm projecting.

Admittedly, this is something I desired. It's not like people came into my house, forcing me to teach college at gunpoint (to be clear, I mean I wasn't held at gunpoint, not that somebody is forcing me to teach a college class equipped with a loaded gun. And to be even clearer, I would NEVER do that. I don't even believe in guns. I mean, I believe they exist because, well, what kind of a crackpot would I be if I didn't, but I don't think they should. All right, before this gets out of hand, let me just go on the record as saying guns are bad. I am not going to shoot anyone. Ever). I filled out the application entirely on my own and drove myself to the interview, no coercion required. I even bought myself a wig, for God's sake! I wanted this job. Badly.

Admittedly again, it's a great opportunity if I want to segue from high school to college, and I think I do. It's a chance for me to actually use the degree I went to school for so long to earn and do something I feel proud of. It's a chance for me to make a difference in the lives of people who are in school because they want to be, not because they have to be.

It's a chance. what if I'll be super exhausted from now until mid-December? If I'm going to drive more in the next four months than I have in the last two years? If I'm going to miss Griffin's debate club meeting on Wednesday and who knows what else? If I'm going to be grading papers while I sleep?

Good things don't come easy or life is a struggle or something like that, right?