Actually I kissed two (well, two new boys anyway. The not new one will go unnamed and for the purpose of this post, unconsidered) but, really, I only liked kissing one. The one I didn't really like kissing, I didn't hate kissing; it was whatever (the guy was a little too mouthy and a little too handsy but then again, maybe I just didn't like him because it's not like too handsy has ever really been a problem for me). The one I did like kissing, I didn't love kissing, but it was nice, even pleasant maybe. You know what neither of them were, though, people who read my blog? Upsetting or unsettling or disconcerting like when I kissed M that time I told you about when I saw his penis (sorry, M, but I wasn't ready for that (either of those that's) although I can't imagine this news is a surprise). And you know what that means? You do, right?
I'm starting to feel better. To move on.
I mean, fine, maybe one of the guys just happened to be a 34-year-old Virgo just like Jonathan and Jonathan's same height, and maybe he's also Hispanic and has dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, and maybe the other guy I kissed was also a Hispanic guy with long dark hair and dark brown eyes plus an inch or two (regarding height, sickos! Regarding height), but, like, isn't a girl allowed to have a type? We're losing focus on the thing that's important here, people, which, to reiterate, is that I'm starting to feel better. I'm starting to move on.
Or at least I was.
I was totally starting to feel better and to move on, and I was planning to write about it here, share the good news, alleviate your concern, but what happened before I had a chance to write? My stupid birthday came along.
My stupid birthday came along and stupid Jonathan spent four hours making me the stupid vegan picadillo that I love and because he wanted them to be perfect for me, he made stupid beans three different times, and he came here for stupid dinner, and until things got a little more than a little emotional - and surprisingly, the emotions weren't mine - we had a really good night, and then, somehow, despite the good night and despite the more than a little emotional aspect of it, I was still doing fine, clear eyes, full heart and all that jazz, ready, like really really ready this time, ready and resolved, and then there I was yesterday on a three-hour phone call full of I love you's but this and what's not insurmountable to you is insurmountable to me's, and nothing would be different right now because neither of has changed's, and information about his weird, weird relationship (if you even want to call it that, and I'm thinking that I don't) that I vacillate over whether it makes me feel better or worse, and, like, my gosh, it's been almost eight months. Eight months!
Not that I don't think you can count, but
June 3 to July -1 month- July to August -2 months- August to September -3 months- September to October -4 months- October to November -5 months- November to December -6 months- December to January -7 months- plus 21 days.
Seven months and twenty-one days! Griffin said seeing the two of us is painful, that it's like seeing a cartoon character who keeps stepping on a rake, and the rake keeps hitting the cartoon character in the face. My mother told me this needs to just be a learning experience, a lesson, and I need to ignore him when he texts. My students told me I need to block him and protect my peace.
I'm not one to give tests, but if I were, and I gave a multiple choice one, and one of the questions were Which of the above statements involving Jonathan and Kelly is correct?, the answer would be (unequivocally? I want to say unequivocally, but unequivocally means a world I unequivocally don't want but do I want the world that currently is?) all of the above.
If, instead, I gave a lesson about inference and implication and line of reasoning by connecting texts, it might look something like this:
I've been talking to this guy on Bumble, and when I told him my ex was bringing me dinner, he was like, It sounds like you guys are still attached. As friends, I said, and I meant it because that's all he and I are.
