Friday, March 21, 2014

She Brings Me a Cake, We Celebrate, I Have Arrived

I have a stalker.

Well, maybe not a stalker in the denotative sense of the word since, as far as I know, nobody is physically following me around, but definitely a stalker in the modern-day sense of it. A cyber stalker, if you will.

She--I've decide my stalker is a she based on the cattiness she exudes--leaves comments on my blog and has been for quite some time. About a year, I think. Even though she submits them anonymously, I can tell by the writing style (and a little thing called Google Analytics) they're from the same person. And they thrill me to no end.

I wish I had all of her old comments to put on display right now, but since I saw no need to keep them, they were deleted long ago. I do, however, have the most recent two. For your viewing pleasure, you can read 'em here:

"You seem to be a narrow minded idiot. People who listen to all sorts of music commit crimes. Im sure your kid has chosen the opposite because he hates you. Heck Id hate you if you were my mom. Suck it."


"Mental Illness go jump off a roof."

It might seem weird to you that comments like this thrill me (and the might part of that statement would most definitely be nonexistent if I still had the comment about my husband having it worse than me because at least he's easy on they eyes), but dude: somebody spends so much time thinking about me/obsesses about me so much/is so consumed with me, she takes the time to read my blog regularly and leave me comments in an effort to get my attention. This girl, who most likely never crosses my mind, has been so affected by me, she cannot move on with her life and let me go.

I know this sounds pretty dick, but how awesome is that?

Let's see. I'm a writer, and this girl is consistently reading me, and I'm a teeny tiny bit on the narcissistic side, and this girl is in my thrall.

How awesome do you think I think it is?

What was it Kurt Cobain said? "I don't care what you think unless it is about me"?

And Pete Wentz? "I don't care what you think as long as it's about me"?