November 1987: Chris, Hope, and Mary decide to hate me. Mary passes pictures of me kissing my dog around school prompting every student who attends Perry Middle to bark at me in the halls. For months school sounds more like a dog pound than a learning facility.
November 1991: Louie calls me Diane during sex, so I end our year-and-a-half relationship. He apologizes like a lunatic for all of about three days at which point he starts seeing Cricket behind my back but is soon caught due to my superhuman sense of smell.
November 1992: Pregnancy. Not planned. Not remotely.
November 1998: Pregnancy. Not planned. (But I knew who the father was.)
November 2010: Glenn and I separate. Torrential downpour of drama ensues.
November 2012: Duh.