Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Time Will Come Someday

I went a little crazy last week, I have to admit.

A couple blogs ago, I told you that I found out Glenn went on a date and was on a dating site (OK Cupid if you're curious). The date I didn't really care about--the dating site I did, but probably not for the reason you think. The dating site I cared about not because of the possibility of it facilitating his going on a date--if you saw his profile, you'd know there's no danger of that--but because for months he'd been accusing me of doing shady things, which I absolutely was not, and meanwhile, there he was, on a dating website.

Hypocritical much?

You know how a couple paragraphs ago I said I didn't care about Glenn having gone on a date? Remember that?

I kind of lied, and by kind of, I mean I absolutely, positively, one-hundred percent lied.

But if it makes you feel any less lied to, it was the truth at first.

At first, when I was snooping around Glenn's Facebook messages and saw that he went to meet some girl--Randy Cocks, people--

Randy fucking Cocks!

(all right, the spelling of her name may be a little different, but phonetically, it seriously is Randy Cocks. Have you ever?)--

I wasn't very worried. I saw that she has kids, which is totally not Glenn's cup of tea, and after reading their messages, it didn't seem like Glenn was terribly interested. And even if he was, even if something did happen, would it really have been the end of the world? He wouldn't have been doing anything I hadn't done in the past.

For a few days, that was my attitude. Seriously!

But then, a few days later, I went on his Facebook again, and there she was, Ms. Horny Organ, leaving comments and liking things all over the place, and even worse, friends of his were liking the comments she was leaving. And we all know what that means.

So last week, Griffin and Keifer were out of town on a field trip from Monday to Friday. Monday and Tuesday were pretty uneventful but on Wednesday and Thursday, things were...not.

I don't remember what started our fight on Wednesday, only that it was me. Same thing on Thursday. (Seriously, I'd be shocked if any fight you ever hear about involving me and Glenn is started by him. If it were up to him, we'd talk never.)

We fought for hours on Thursday--hours--and by the time I went to bed at 2, a picture had been pulled off the wall and beaten on the floor repeatedly, a lint brush thrown at the tile floor, my bike violently turned over and hurled at the floor hard enough to crack the wood, and in a fit of madness, screams were screamed so loudly they terrified Jazzy into having diarrhea. (I don't want to point any fingers, but Glenn was the perpetrator of none of these things.)

I guess if you want to get technical, you might be able to say I kind of had a breakdown.

But that's not important. That's not what this is about. This is about Glenn, Frisky Love Shaft, and their (non) date.

What started out as me not caring had become almost total paranoia in the week since I'd found out about their meeting, and I kept bringing her up. Glenn, who kept insisting it wasn't a date, told me that if he did go on a date, it certainly wouldn't be with  Lascivious Member who has three kids from different guys, and I knew he was telling the truth; after all, that had been my instinct in the first place.

As soon as he said that sentence, I felt better. Less tense.

And that lasted about a minute. Maybe two.

I may be safe where Hot Prick is concerned, but I think an exclamatory whew! uttered while exaggeratedly wiping off my furrowed brow might be a little bit premature.

It might not be Lustful Penis.

But it's coming.


  1. Whoa you need to seek medical attention for the safety of your family.

  2. Medical attention to save my family from...the communicable disease I have that they're in danger of getting unless I see a doctor? I'll get right on that.

    My god, where do these people come from?

    1. No, you need to seek medical attention because you are unstable, and it endagers everyone around you. And what's even more disconcerting is your nonchalant point of view about it, as if you're perfectly justified because you tell people about it.

      You need help.

    2. Stupid person who's so remarkably dumb, you can't tell you're being made fun of,who's so interested in my life you felt the need to come back and reply to a comment left 29 days ago,who's clearly bordering on some kind of obsession with me and my life,

      Do you know what medical means? You mean--say it with me--psychological. Perhaps, even, psychiatric. But certainly not medical.

      It seems to me that either your life is so sad you have nothing better to do than harass me, or you're ugly (the way I see it, ugly people just naturally carry that proverbial chip). Even if you're not ugly on the outside (which I very seriously doubt--I can picture your ugliness in my head), you're ugly on the inside--of that I have no doubt.

      Since you brought it up, in reality what I need is stupid people not to exist and people to not obsess about me (actually the latter isn't true. I think it's pretty damn funny and kind of flattering that you care as much about my life as you do, negatively or not). I'd say ugly people shouldn't exist, either, but in the grand scheme of things, I suppose they're not really hurting me.

      Either way, run along now, stupid person. Continue on with your life, thinking about me every step along the way.

      And buy a dictionary.

  3. White cracker breaking home she a hoe cock suckah

    1. I couldn't not publish this comment; it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Thank you for brightening my day!

  4. alright alright alright