Friday, September 6, 2013

I'm a Jerk, I'm a Punk

"Be thankful for the difficult people in your life, for they have shown you exactly who you do not want to be."

I came across this quote, not for the first time, today. A friend posted it on Facebook. I think I'd be being a little on the paranoid side if I said that she posted it specifically with me in mind--although god knows it's a possibility--but I'd be in total denial if I nodded my head and was like, Yep. I know exactly what you mean.

So the thing that's funny is that I do know exactly what she means, only in a strike-that, reverse kind of way.

You know how some people find so-called difficult people distasteful? Well, that's exactly how I feel about people who aren't difficult at all. You know the type. The person who likes everyone. The person who's all zippitty-do-dah 'round the clock. The person who doesn't have a strong opinion about anything.

That kind of person? That kind of person makes me sick.

I may have told you this already (stop me if I have (um, stop me in your mind. Duh)), but once I got a massage from a masseuse named Jackie who knew my mom. At the time of the massage, I wrote for a newspaper called The Wahoo News, and when she was annoyingly talking to me during the massage (um, bitch, I'm paying for a massage. Shut the fuck up and knead me), I mentioned it. She then asked me to e-mail her something I'd written, so of course I did, and when my mom next went in for a massage, I came up.

She said you're awfully opinionated, my mother told me in that voice that people use when they're saying something negative, and rest assured, I'm sure that when Jackie called me opinionated to my mom, it wasn't supposed to be a good thing.

My response to being called opinionated?

Fuck, yeah.

Who the hell wants to live life a namby-pamby mother fucker?

To just go with the undiscerning flow?

To be all, Today is the best day ever! I woke up in the morning, so I am blessed?

Jesus, can you hear my retching and smell my vomit?

Can you see the little mouse running on the treadmill in my brain as I reformulate the quote, Kelly style?

"Be thankful for the sheep who lack the capacity to think; appreciate the vapid and insipid people in your life; it is they who have not only shown you exactly who you do not want to be, but it is also they whom you can mock."

Now who knows how to make a meme?

No comments:

Post a Comment