Almost three years ago, I wrote about a time when I saw a cute guy during a trip to Publix and didn't care for the first time in my life (for those of you who don't want to click the link, I can abbreviate: Despite being the most boy crazy person known to man, my Virgo was the only guy I had any interest in at the time; I didn't even care to look).
That was only three months after my Virgo and I had met in real life, though, and only a month after he decided we were official, and aren't the majority of relationships like that when they start? The person we're newly in a relationship with is all we ever think about, all we want to see, all we want to breathe. It's normal for people to slip out of the beginning excitement of love as their relationship progresses, and, in effect, to notice cute people, flirt with people they're attracted to, sometimes even develop a crush.
I've written about this very thing in the past. I've talked about my attraction to other people when I was with my high school boyfriend, with my ex-Glenn, and with just about everyone I ever dated before, after, or in-between. Because being obsessed with boys has for such a long time been one of my predominant personality traits, crushing on other people while in relationships was just my norm.
I know you know what I'm going to write because there's no way it isn't obvious, but I'll write it anyway -
With my Virgo, things were different.
I don't know why things were the way they were because even for people who aren't boy crazy (or girl crazy), being attracted to other people while in a relationship is totally common, but when I tell you that not once in the three years I spent with my Virgo did I have any desire to be with anybody else, to kiss anybody else, to touch anybody else, I'm not exaggerating at all.
You know what? Let me give you an example of how not interested in other men I was.
In 2019 when I started teaching at the high school where I teach now, I had a pretty big crush on a teacher whose room was--still is--in my hall. Let's call him Mr. Cute Guy. Because teachers stand at their doors in between classes and because of the way the school is laid out, I either had to pass Mr. Cute Guy every time I went to the bathroom and every time I went back to my class, or I had to wait in line with him in the kitchen for one of the bathrooms to open up, and sometimes, because we had the same lunch, the two of us would be in the kitchen waiting for our food to finish cooking at the same time. I can't tell you how many times I made an idiot of myself around Mr. Cute Guy that year, either feeling too dumb/shy/intimidated to say anything, or feeling so dumb/shy/intimidated that what came out of my mouth sounded so stupid, I wished I'd stayed silent.
Now, in the past, as stated pretty much ad nauseam at this point, being in a relationship did nothing to stop a crush or the awkward behavior that goes along with it. I can still remember being in the dry stockroom at The Cheesecake Factory with a kitchen guy I thought was super cute a year or so after I got married and not having the nerve to say a word, an incident that was not remotely anomalous.
At the point school started again in person a few months into the 2020-2021 school year, my Virgo and I had been dating for what? I guess about five months. Still the beginning, I know, so it's no surprise that Mr. Cute Guy was of no interest then, but even last school year when my Virgo and I had been together going on three years, although Mr. Cute Guy was obviously still cute, his cuteness and his presence were so blasé to me, I could stand and have an entire conversation with him and feel absolutely no awkwardness at all, something which might not sound like such a big deal, but if you've been reading my blog long enough, you might remember that once I took a guy to buy heroin in Opa-locka (<---- this is a link that also doesn't show) in the middle of the night because he was so cute I didn't have the nerve to tell him no. So being perfectly normal around Mr. Cute Guy? Pretty monumental.
Also monumental? The fact that it wasn't just Mr. Cute Guy. It was Mr. Every Guy. There wasn't one single time when I was with my Virgo that I coveted somebody else.
Well, as we all know, I'm no longer with my Virgo, so why do I bring this up?
Because last week my therapist told me it's time to date.
People call it a rebound, she said, but it's not really that. Dating somebody new is the best way to get over somebody, she continued, and then she told me to go on Plenty of Fish, which I did, and promptly felt like I was going to throw up, leading me to hide my profile just minutes after I made it, and if the experience was supposed to make me feel better, never has anything backfired as badly as that.
A couple days later, I decided to try again, this time on okCupid instead. I made my profile and started to scroll through guys, and while I wasn't on the verge of vomiting all over my bed, all it did was reinforce what I already knew, what for three years I've known. It doesn't matter how cute someone is, or the books in common we've read; the distaste we share for the Oxford comma is irrelevant as is the fact that someone loves to run; an absence of video game references or anime allusions is insignificant; and even the promise of a big welcoming family means nothing to me, and lest you think this disinterest is because I'm sad, I'd just like to state that before my Virgo and I broke up, I found out that one of the cutest guys I've ever met has a crush on me, and while I was flattered, my heart didn't do it's characteristic somersault not even once.
So again, I have to ask, why do I bring this up? What exactly is my point?
Well, as Keifer said when we talked about this very thing this morning--my three-year-period of no interest in anyone other than my Virgo--that's how you know.
It's not the only way I know, but he's right.
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