One day I guess about a year ago, the ex-Virgo was supposed to bring home milk. Now, this happened a long time ago, so I don't remember the details perfectly (like where he was coming from on a weekend morning, not that that's relevant to the story, although now that I think about it, it was probably the dentist), but I'll tell you what I do remember. I remember that the ex-Virgo was supposed to bring home milk. When he came home, he had no milk. I asked the ex-Virgo where the milk was. The ex-Virgo told me Walgreens didn't have non-dairy milk. I told the ex-Virgo he must not have looked in the right place because I couldn't believe Walgreens didn't carry non-dairy milk. The ex-Virgo told me they definitely didn't. He even asked somebody when he couldn't find it - and this is the part I don't remember perfectly - and either was told they don't carry it, or the employee went to look with him, and there was no non-dairy milk to be found. I, knowing the ex-Virgo as well as I do and being the me that I am, told the ex-Virgo to get in the car. We we were going to Walgreens. The ex-Virgo complied. The ex-Virgo and I drove the .74 miles to Walgreens, where I got out of the car, walked directly to the refrigerator section, spotted the milk area, opened the door, and lo and behold: non-dairy milk. Lots of it. Not, like, one carton of non-dairy milk hidden in the back that may have been overlooked.
The ex-Virgo? He's a liar.
Remember what I said about being rash? When the Milk Incident of '22 occurred, I broke up with the ex-Virgo on the spot. Before we even got to the car, I told him I was done, that I couldn't do this anymore, "this" being our relationship, "this" being subjected to pointless lies. It may not seem like a big deal to you, a lie about something as insignificant as a store having milk, but it's precisely because it was so insignificant that it was such a big deal to me. Honesty is so important to me - I don't lie to anybody, to my own detriment at times - and if he could lie to me about something as dumb as a store having milk, what else could he lie to me about? And forget the hypothetical because if that had been the first time a lie had come out of the ex-Virgo's mouth, well, to be honest, I wouldn't have known because I would have believed him when he'd said the store didn't carry non-dairy milk and wouldn't have gotten into the car, driven there, and checked because who the fuck lies about a store not carrying milk? By the time the Milk Incident of '22 went down, the ex-Virgo had told me enough lies that I did get in the car, drive to Walgreens, and check, and that says a lot.
Also what says a lot to me now that I'm relaying this story and, thus, thinking about events - oh so many events - that unfolded and things - oh so many things - the ex-Virgo has said over the last three years? The fact that he knew - he knew! - that he was going to get caught. He knew he was going to get caught, but he carried out his charade regardless. Rather than admit that he lied, he got in the car with me and drove to Walgreens, all the time knowing what I was going to find (or, thinking about it now, maybe he didn't. Maybe he was hoping, as he was undoubtedly shitting his pants along the way, that Walgreens actually didn't carry non-dairy milk). When I came here to write today, it wasn't my intention to share what's about to come next, but relaying this incident reminded me of two other specific times the ex-Virgo lied and doubled down, one that I was a part of and one that I wasn't.
I'll start with the one I wasn't a part of since the one that I was a part of is so, so long, and I'd hate for you to be so burned out on reading that by the time you get to it, I'll have lost your attention.
Not too long before we broke up when we were looking for a hotel on a trip over Christmas break, the ex-Virgo told me about a specific way he fucked up once, a mistake he made. It happened in front of all his friends and I'm pretty sure his mom. Even though he knew that he'd fucked up, that he realized he made a mistake, he carried on with his lie (at another person's expense) because he didn't want to get caught.
Like the milk.
And like this:
"Jonathan and Kelly: The Earlyish Days"
-A transcription (that seems much longer than it needs to be but in regards to the overarching story, I promise it's not)
INT. KELLY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Kelly is sitting on her bed in April of 2021, ten months after she and Jonathan started dating. The two of them are texting after having had an argument earlier that day over Jonathan recently following and regularly interacting with a questionable girl (read: a girl who posted nudes and provocative tweets) on Twitter on not one, but two accounts. She has just opened Twitter and found that after unfollowing her, he was following her once again.
KELLY: Listen, I don't want to talk about this right now, but I don't think I want you to come over tomorrow. I'll just see you Friday
THE EX-VIRGO: Are you serious?!
KELLY: Extremely
THE EX-VIRGO: what did I do now?!
KELLY: Nothing, Jonathan
KELLY: You did nothing
THE EX-VIRGO: I deserve to know at least that much?
KELLY: You know what? I never say stuff like this to you, ever, but you know how you said earlier that you're fucking stupid?
KELLY: I can't not agree
THE EX-VIRGO: Was it something I said about my Sister??
KELLY: No, Jonathan
THE EX-VIRGO: Then, WHAT?!
KELLY: I guess you'll just have to think really hard
THE EX-VIRGO: NO!
THE EX-VIRGO: I haven't done anything since I've apologized to you!
THE EX-VIRGO: WHAT DID I DO?!
THE EX-VIRGO: Something on Twitter again? Cause I haven't done anything on it!
KELLY: Okay
THE EX-VIRGO: Kelly...
KELLY: And you know what? Since I'm so mad, I'd like to point out that you said earlier that it's not like you flirt openly with people on Twitter when you clearly did for months
KELLY: But that's not why I'm mad
KELLY: But what a fucking statement to make
THE EX-VIRGO: And that's why you're mad?
KELLY: I just said no
KELLY: that's not why I'm mad
THE EX-VIRGO: Then what?!
THE EX-VIRGO: And I only flirted with this other girl, but we had gone over that. And again it was just...I DON'T EVEN KNOW THESE PEOPLE!
KELLY: And yet they're important enough for this
THE EX-VIRGO: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST I'M JUST UNFOLLOWING THEM ALL.
KELLY: Really?
THE EX-VIRGO: I CAN'T TAKE THIS FUCKING PARANOIA ANYMORE!
KELLY: Are you fucking kidding?
KELLY: Are you kidding?
KELLY: I'm not paranoid about anything
THE EX-VIRGO: THEN WHAT?!
KELLY: Like, fucking what?
THE EX-VIRGO: WHAT IS IT?!
KELLY: Wtf would I be paranoid about?
THE EX-VIRGO: That I didn't unfollow her?!
KELLY: First of all, I can't believe you'd be stupid enough to even ask what I wanted you to do
KELLY: Like what?
KELLY: Like fucking what?
KELLY: But no
THE EX-VIRGO: NOTHING there isn't anything to be! But you're jealous of 2 chicks I never EVEN MET.
KELLY: BECAUSE YOU DID UNFOLLOW HER AND THEN YOU FUCKING FOLLOWED HER AGAIN
KELLY: I can't stand you right now
KELLY: At all
THE EX-VIRGO: I DID NOT UNFOLLOW HER!
KELLY: Huh. That's funny
KELLY: Because while we were talking, I looked and you did
THE EX-VIRGO: Okay Kelly
KELLY: She had 11 followers and you weren't one of them
KELLY: you're lying to me
THE EX-VIRGO: Jesus fucking Christ
KELLY: I can't believe you're lying to me over this fucking girl on twitter who you follow on two accounts
KELLY: Don't fucking talk to me
KELLY: Right now, I regret that we're going out of town together
KELLY: I'm livid
KELLY: I feel like
THE EX-VIRGO: There! Unfollowed!
KELLY: Idk even know what I feel like
KELLY: Do you have any idea how much damage you have done?
KELLY: I'm never going to believe you again now
THE EX-VIRGO: Enough that you fucking hate me now.
THE EX-VIRGO: I don't understand why.
KELLY: Because you lied?
KELLY: Are you serious?
TTHE EX-VIRGO: I didn't lie!
KELLY: Yes, Jonathan, you did
KELLY: You're lying rn
KELLY: Just stop
KELLY: Just fucking stop
KELLY: You unfollowed her when we were fighting and then after you unfollowed her, you asked me if you should
KELLY: And then I said you should do what you thought you should do based on our conversation
THE EX-VIRGO: I asked if I should. I never unfollowed.
KELLY: Yes
KELLY: You
KELLY: Did
KELLY: Stop
KELLY: Fukcin [sic]
KELLY: Lying
KELLY: To me
KELLY: You're caught
KELLY: I was on her timeline
THE EX-VIRGO: Okay Kelly.
KELLY: Just stop
THE EX-VIRGO: Whatever.
THE EX-VIRGO: Nothing I say will matter.
THE EX-VIRGO: I unfollowed now.
THE EX-VIRGO: Both accounts.
THE EX-VIRGO: It's all I can do.
KELLY: You unfollowed before
KELLY: God, I can't believe you're lying to me like this
THE EX-VIRGO: You want me to unfollow Jupiter too?
KELLY: Like, I can't
KELLY: I don't even know what to think about us anymore
KELLY: I truly don't
THE EX-VIRGO: Are you seriously...
KELLY: And the fact that you keep lying, like you think I'm going to believe you when I saw
KELLY: I saw
THE EX-VIRGO: Please pick up.
KELLY: Every time you lie again, it makes me sick
KELLY: Like, how are you blatantly lying to me?
KELLY: I am so in shock right now
THE EX-VIRGO: Baby...
THE EX-VIRGO: Please
KELLY: No
KELLY: I'm not your fucking baby
THE EX-VIRGO: I do not want to fight about this.
KELLY: This isn't a fight
THE EX-VIRGO: I will delete all of Twitter
KELLY: This is much worse than a fight
KELLY: Will you delete your lies?
THE EX-VIRGO: So that's it?
THE EX-VIRGO: You'll break up with me over this?
KELLY: I caught you in a lie and you just kept lying to me
KELLY: How?
KELLY: How could you do that?
KELLY: How fucking stupid and weak minded do you really think I am?
THE EX-VIRGO: I know you aren't.
KELLY: I may play submissive, but let me fucking tell you something
KELLY: I am not
THE EX-VIRGO: Kelly... I know you aren't.
KELLY: I'm so
KELLY: I just, I can't believe you would do this
KELLY: Forget being dumb enough, or pretending to be dumb enough, to ask if you should unfollow the girl
KELLY: Or unfollowing her and even after seeing how upset I was, following her again
KELLY: But lying about it?
KELLY: And lying repeatedly?
KELLY:: When you were caught?
KELLY:: What the fuck, Jonathan
THE EX-VIRGO: Look how this is going?
KELLY: Idk even know what that means
THE EX-VIRGO: Kelly...I love you
THE EX-VIRGO: I'm not perfect
KELLY: Yes, you certainly act like you love me
THE EX-VIRGO: I know you aren't stupid.
KELLY: What with all the lying
KELLY: It's a girl's dream
KELLY: Thank you!
THE EX-VIRGO: Yes okay I lied. Because I unfollowed her for a bit. And when we talked I figured it was pointless I did it
KELLY: Like this fucking girl, this girl who you don't even know, is important enough for you to do that
KELLY: To do this
THE EX-VIRGO: She isn't.
KELLY: That's too bad
THE EX-VIRGO: Not at all
THE EX-VIRGO: I just...
KELLY: I hope you know I don't trust you at all anymore
KELLY: Not one bit
KELLY: I don't believe you don't DM people
THE EX-VIRGO: Kelly...
KELLY: I don't believe you don't talk to people inappropriately
THE EX-VIRGO: Please
KELLY: I don't believe any of it
KELLY: I believe you're a fucking guy like every other guy
THE EX-VIRGO: I promise you. I swear I don't fucking lie to you.
KELLY: Yes, only this once when I caught you
KELLY: Plus the ones that kept coming after I caught you
KELLY: Nothing else
KELLY: Mmhmm
THE EX-VIRGO: Yes I did right now. Because I panicked. And I thought you were going to hate me.
KELLY: Well, your plan was executed very well
THE EX-VIRGO: I...
THE EX-VIRGO: Between my sister...and...I know it's not an excuse.
THE EX-VIRGO: I don't lie to you.
KELLY: Just stfu up about your sister
KELLY: Your sister is irrelevant
THE EX-VIRGO: And I know there is no way to prove it.
KELLY:: Anything else is irrelevant
THE EX-VIRGO: Kelly...
THE EX-VIRGO: Please...
THE EX-VIRGO: These 2 things with these 2 girls,
THE EX-VIRGO: I never fucking thought this would spiral like this.
THE EX-VIRGO: Over girls on the internet
KELLY: Maybe you should've stopped when you knew how much it bothered me and THEN NOT BEEN A FUCKING LIAR
KELLY: This isn't about girls on the internet
KELLY: It's about you
THE EX-VIRGO: I'm not a liar.
THE EX-VIRGO: I try my best to be a good boyfriend.
THE EX-VIRGO: I'm not perfect
KELLY: It's about the fact that you have a girlfriend and for months were tweeting the things you were to that jupiter girl and you knew how much it bothered me and then you followed this other girl, and you knew how much that bothered me, and you not only didn't unfollow her, you followed a second account and then when you knew how much that bothered me, you pulled what you pulled tonight
THE EX-VIRGO: But please don't turn this into me being like everyone else.
KELLY: For trying to be a good boyfriend, you're doing a really shitty job
THE EX-VIRGO: Because of this?
KELLY: What was that you said earlier? When you apologized?
KELLY: Something about thinking about things like this and taking my feelings into consideration
KELLY: And then you fucking followed her back
KELLY: And lied about it
THE EX-VIRGO: I followed her back because I honestly thought it was dumb I did it out of desperation earlier.
THE EX-VIRGO: I lied because I knew you were already angry.
KELLY: So you thought about it, and you thought, Kelly was furious--furious--about me following this girl, but I think she would really not care if I followed her back
THE EX-VIRGO: And I fucking panicked.
KELLY: You honestly thought I was that dumb?
THE EX-VIRGO:I didn't want us to fight anymore.
THE EX-VIRGO: No I didn't.
THE EX-VIRGO: But I thought you'd just let it go. Because I didn't want to get into it about this again.
THE EX-VIRGO: And I was wrong.
THE EX-VIRGO: And it was stupid.
KELLY: "I followed her back because I honestly thought it was dumb I did it out of desperation earlier."
KELLY: What?
THE EX-VIRGO: I thought it was dumb if I unfollowed her out of desperation. Like I thought you'd think I was only doing it for you.
KELLY: That was the point. Doing it for me
KELLY: Are you fucking kidding
KELLY: Just go away
KELLY: I can't listen to you anymore
THE EX-VIRGO: No the point is to do it for both of us.
KELLY: Goodnight, Jonathan
KELLY: I can't deal with this
THE EX-VIRGO: I ca't prove I love you by just doing things when you tell me
KELLY: And I don't want to do anything rash
KELLY: Yes, it makes much more sense to keep doing things you know hurt me
KELLY: I hate you
THE EX-VIRGO: Please don't say that
KELLY: You should just stop talking
KELLY: Really
THE EX-VIRGO: I love you...no matter what. I'm sorry I lied. I'm sorry for today.
KELLY: Yeah. So am I
THE EX-VIRGO: You are everything to me...
KELLY: Apparently not
THE EX-VIRGO: You are
KELLY: And nothing you say will change that
***
I interrupt this chismo to say, what a difference a day makes, huh? Well, a day to me; since I haven't posted since the debacle of a post I wrote in Spanish that night when I was drunk, a few weeks to you. Be assured, though, that until this morning, I was still in the same place I have been for the last almost four months since the ex-Virgo and I broke up: devastated and weepy, crying in the bathroom between classes and with my back turned to my students while they were working, sitting at my table because I couldn't bring myself to leave the house, and worst of all, although I didn't realize it was worst of all until yesterday night, talking to the ex-Virgo pretty regularly, both of us telling each other how much we love and miss each other, both of us crying either on the phone, on FaceTime, or via text, me saying that I wouldn't give up on us, and him saying that maybe if we both work on ourselves, in the future things will work out.
Funny behavior from a guy who has a girlfriend.
Or maybe not that funny if you take into consideration that on September 5, when I directly asked the ex-Virgo if he was seeing anyone, he told me no despite having had that girlfriend since the beginning of August.
Also maybe not that funny if you take into consideration that the lie I mentioned a few blogs back, the one that ended our relationship? It was about this girl, this girl who he used to work with, who on the day she got hired a couple years ago, the ex-Virgo told me was pretty but a little fat and then a year later told me he'd make an exception to his fat rule for.
But, alas it's 8:18, and I have a work out to do (because while some people may be okay with being fat, I in no way am), so that's a story for another night.
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