Monday, December 31, 2012

Just About Done

About a week and a half ago, someone I know sent me a message asking me why I don't write my blog anymore. I responded by saying that it's not that I don't actively write my blog, I've just been super busy and haven't really had time. I then posted Story of a Stupid Kel the next day...and haven't posted since. Over the next few days, I realized something. My response about not having time to blog was sort of true...but also sort of not. The problem wasn't lack of time as much as surplus of audience, and in the days following my response to that reader, I realized that over and over again.

Of course I'm not complaining about too many people reading my blog. What does a writer want more than readers? Nor am I complaining about the people who read my blog...except that I sort of am. See, despite the fact that one measly person follows my blog, it's been read almost 6,000 times. I know in the world of the Internet that's a fraction of a blip, but in the world of me, it's a ton, and exactly what it's a ton of is people I see and talk to all the time.

What does that mean?

Censorship, people. Censorship is what it means.

('Cause when you find out that your students are putting links to your blog up on their facebook pages, you don't have much choice but to censor.)

(And when you say to your mom, I'm not sure when I wrote my last blog, and her immediate response is, November 22, it's pretty obvious that censorship is the only option.)

And I hate being censored.

I started this blog because I love to say what I want when I want however I want.

But now I can't.

I constantly find myself in situations I want to write about, but I can't. I can't complain about the bitchy pair of __, who I absolutely can't stand, who absolutely turn my stomach every time I see them, because I know they read my blog.

I can't write about the time that __sat there and __while I __because I know __ reads my blog.

I can't write about my opinion on __ because I know some people who read my blog are actually in that situation, and now that I know those people read my blog, it would be cruel and insensitive to exercise my usual judgment on the matter.

(It's like Mad Libs without the funny. Hardy fuckin' har.)

And so, it's without further ado that to this blog, and also to you, I say my goodbyes.


I'll never stop writing.

I just don't want to know that you're reading.

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