Although summer isn't officially over until the autumn equinox on September 22, with the new school year starting tomorrow, today is pretty much the end of it for me. I won't say I'm happy about going back to work--because that would be insane--but I can't earnestly complain about the summer coming to an end because I can honestly say with one hundred percent certainty that the summer of 2017 was the worst summer of my life. From the day before school ended right up until yesterday, very little of it has been fun, and in the spirit of complaining, I say just like we looked at The Summer of Run when it came to a close, we take a look back at the events that comprised the Summer of Suck as well.
As you already know, my summer started with Keifer being Baker Acted, and that pretty much set the summer's whole tone. Not only was I frustrated from not being able to do anything about his being locked up, misdiagnosed, and wrongly medicated, I was depressed that my son was so depressed and also anxious and frazzled from having to go back and forth from my house to University Pavilion at least once, sometimes two times a day for six days. As if that wasn't bad enough, it was while Keifer was in the hospital that I got into that crazy fight with Griffin, the one that caused him to leave and me to feel more depressed than I've felt in almost my entire adult life, and while certainly not worse but almost as bad, because of my depression over the situations with Griffin and Keifer, I let things happen with a friend I never would have let happen if I'd been in a not so utterly dejected frame of mind, and that friend then took advantage of what I let happen and made something else happen that not only did I absolutely not say could happen but point blank said repeatedly could not happen, and when he left that night, in addition to being depressed over Griffin and Keifer, I had something else to add to my reasons-to-kill-myself list.
Not long after that incident I try to forget happened (which hasn't been as hard as you'd think since right after it happened my super good friend who I talked to and hung out with all the time completely disappeared from my life, and thus, I don't have to be reminded of it on a regular basis), things actually started to look up. Keifer's properly diagnosed medication started kicking in plus he started dating the girl he's had a thing for since starting high school; Griffin and I reconciled bit by bit; and shock of all shocks, I met a guy, and not just any guy, a guy who fit my almost-abandoned criteria for a guy nearly one-hundred percent (in case you're curious: 1. smart 2. tall 3. musical 4. not fat 5. liberal 6. atheist (this is where the nearly comes in. Said guy is agnostic, not atheist, but really. I may be picky, but I'm not insane)) and seemed to be, like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way...for about three weeks, which while admittedly isn't exactly a super long amount of time is definitely, at least for hyper emotional emo me, long enough to fall in love, so yeah, moping and sadness and crying ensued and the summer I thought was looking up needed just the slightest of pushes to be facing down.
I'm a trooper, though, and I tried to see the good with the bad. Yes, I was heartbroken over Alexander, but my relationship with him did do some good things. One, it finally, for fuck's sake, hallelujah, god be the glory, got me completely over C. For the first time in I don't know how many years, he wasn't constantly on my mind, and that, I have to say, is a beautiful thing. It also made me realize that I shouldn't abandon my almost-abandoned criteria because people who fit it really are out there, and I shouldn't settle for someone else, and oh my God, I'm realizing right now that not only did he seem practically perfect like Mary Poppins, but also like Mary was conjured after a list with specific criteria was ripped up and thrown away, Alexander sort of was, too, and holy moly, how crazy is that? But I'm drifting. The point here is that I tried to be positive, but when you're lying around crying, missing someone, and thinking about every good attribute a person possesses, it's not the easiest thing to do. Our relationship was short, though, as you can attest, so as bad as it was for a short period of time, I'm happy to say that with the demise of the summer goes the demise of that particular sad.
But don't worry! A new sad has come along. A sad that usurps the others or at least seems to since it's the sadness of the day. It's a sad I knew was coming, a sad that isn't unique to me, but it's still a sad, and neither of those things makes my having moved Griffin into his dorm in Orlando yesterday any easier for me. Now, I won't sit here and say that when he came over and packed on Thursday night I sobbed against his chest like a crazy person and told him he was the love of my life while he held me or that I cried all over again when I said goodbye to him in his dorm, but if you believe in lies by omission, forget a party in my pants--they'd be in flames.
I know. I'm overreacting. UCF isn't that far. Griffin will be home often. I'll see him when I go to concerts in Orlando. True. Every single one. But still. My love story is gone, and it's going to take a while for me to get past it, just like the whole entire crapfest known from this blog forth as the Summer of Suck.
But I will because as you guys know, that's what I do.
As you already know, my summer started with Keifer being Baker Acted, and that pretty much set the summer's whole tone. Not only was I frustrated from not being able to do anything about his being locked up, misdiagnosed, and wrongly medicated, I was depressed that my son was so depressed and also anxious and frazzled from having to go back and forth from my house to University Pavilion at least once, sometimes two times a day for six days. As if that wasn't bad enough, it was while Keifer was in the hospital that I got into that crazy fight with Griffin, the one that caused him to leave and me to feel more depressed than I've felt in almost my entire adult life, and while certainly not worse but almost as bad, because of my depression over the situations with Griffin and Keifer, I let things happen with a friend I never would have let happen if I'd been in a not so utterly dejected frame of mind, and that friend then took advantage of what I let happen and made something else happen that not only did I absolutely not say could happen but point blank said repeatedly could not happen, and when he left that night, in addition to being depressed over Griffin and Keifer, I had something else to add to my reasons-to-kill-myself list.
Not long after that incident I try to forget happened (which hasn't been as hard as you'd think since right after it happened my super good friend who I talked to and hung out with all the time completely disappeared from my life, and thus, I don't have to be reminded of it on a regular basis), things actually started to look up. Keifer's properly diagnosed medication started kicking in plus he started dating the girl he's had a thing for since starting high school; Griffin and I reconciled bit by bit; and shock of all shocks, I met a guy, and not just any guy, a guy who fit my almost-abandoned criteria for a guy nearly one-hundred percent (in case you're curious: 1. smart 2. tall 3. musical 4. not fat 5. liberal 6. atheist (this is where the nearly comes in. Said guy is agnostic, not atheist, but really. I may be picky, but I'm not insane)) and seemed to be, like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way...for about three weeks, which while admittedly isn't exactly a super long amount of time is definitely, at least for hyper emotional emo me, long enough to fall in love, so yeah, moping and sadness and crying ensued and the summer I thought was looking up needed just the slightest of pushes to be facing down.
I'm a trooper, though, and I tried to see the good with the bad. Yes, I was heartbroken over Alexander, but my relationship with him did do some good things. One, it finally, for fuck's sake, hallelujah, god be the glory, got me completely over C. For the first time in I don't know how many years, he wasn't constantly on my mind, and that, I have to say, is a beautiful thing. It also made me realize that I shouldn't abandon my almost-abandoned criteria because people who fit it really are out there, and I shouldn't settle for someone else, and oh my God, I'm realizing right now that not only did he seem practically perfect like Mary Poppins, but also like Mary was conjured after a list with specific criteria was ripped up and thrown away, Alexander sort of was, too, and holy moly, how crazy is that? But I'm drifting. The point here is that I tried to be positive, but when you're lying around crying, missing someone, and thinking about every good attribute a person possesses, it's not the easiest thing to do. Our relationship was short, though, as you can attest, so as bad as it was for a short period of time, I'm happy to say that with the demise of the summer goes the demise of that particular sad.
But don't worry! A new sad has come along. A sad that usurps the others or at least seems to since it's the sadness of the day. It's a sad I knew was coming, a sad that isn't unique to me, but it's still a sad, and neither of those things makes my having moved Griffin into his dorm in Orlando yesterday any easier for me. Now, I won't sit here and say that when he came over and packed on Thursday night I sobbed against his chest like a crazy person and told him he was the love of my life while he held me or that I cried all over again when I said goodbye to him in his dorm, but if you believe in lies by omission, forget a party in my pants--they'd be in flames.
I know. I'm overreacting. UCF isn't that far. Griffin will be home often. I'll see him when I go to concerts in Orlando. True. Every single one. But still. My love story is gone, and it's going to take a while for me to get past it, just like the whole entire crapfest known from this blog forth as the Summer of Suck.
But I will because as you guys know, that's what I do.
Just die already. (Been a while, but still think you should do the world a favor and leave it.)
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