Thursday, May 24, 2012

The Only Hope for Me Is Me

It's been almost two weeks since Glenn and I decided to stay together, and I have to say, things are going swimmingly. Yes, I understand the brevity of two weeks, but believe me...things have gone wrong in my life in much shorter periods than that.

I suppose I'm probably going to be giving you the idea that I'm a flake when I say this, but in two weeks' time I've been known to completely lose interest in something that consumed me, wholeheartedly change my point of view of something about which I felt strongly, and completely forget about something that plagued me. You know what? If you think I'm a flake, you're probably not wrong.

But my flakiness is not the point. The point is that it's been almost two weeks since Glenn and I became Glenn and Kelly again, and I'm not tired of him. I'm also not at all sorry about my decision, nor do I remotely feel like I made my choice due to feeling that I lacked other choices or that the other choices before me were less than exciting. What I do feel like is that I found my way back to the life where I belong, back to the path that my feet need to travel. I feel comfortable, but not in a "settling" kind of way; I feel comfortable in a "this is my life" kind of way. One of the worst things about my two months adrift was the feeling of disquiet that I constantly felt, a feeling that's been quelled since I turned my feet around.

Okay, maybe my flakiness is the point. Or at least one of them. I'm a flaky person. I get tired of things easily. I change my hair color more often than some people eat green veggies (and I'm willing to bet that's an actual fact); I shave my head when I'm bored; I throw away anything the kids or Glenn weren't fortuitous enough to hide when I'm on a purge-the-house-of-clutter bender; I decide to start specific eating plans, spend hours planning a trip to the grocery store, and lose interest in the idea by the time I get to the pasta aisle; I spend hours-days-weeks researching vacation destinations and then decide I've learned so much about the place there's no reason left for a visit;  I decide my marriage isn't what I want it to be and look for reasons to end it...

Well, no more. What I think I've learned from this experience is that, yes, I get bored, and yes, I get unhappy, and yes--it will pass. And when it does, my feet will still face forward, and I'll be right where I belong.

1 comment:

  1. Happy that you've found some solid ground. One of the most beautiful things to see is a marriage, and family, saved. Wouldn't you agree?