Life is such a weird thing. I think about that all the time in connection to bathrooms and cars. When I'm driving, I think about how most people never think about it, but in every single car, a separate story sits. To us, our own world is all that exists, but the woman in The Volkswagen Beetle in front of us, the family in the Ford Focus two lanes to the right, and the old man in the Cadillac (do Cadillacs have model names?) leaving an unnecessary and maddening 27 feet between his car and the car in front of his don't even know our world exists. Buffy in the Beetle is near tears because her boyfriend beat her up last night, and she wants to leave him, but she has nowhere else to go; Dudley, Dominique, Darla, Dudley Junior, and little Dwayne in the Ford Focus are fighting because Dudley, having just gotten fired, is stressed and yelling at everyone in sight; and Eustace in the Cadillac that might not have a model name can't think about anything but his recently deceased wife. Meanwhile, we got into a fight with one of our coworkers and tripped when we were rushing up the stairs to get away from him, breaking the bonding on our front tooth, and are on a mad dash to get to the dentist before five because it's Friday and we don't want to spend the weekend looking like we hang out on wooden porches drinking moonshine all night long. This, like the fact that people sit in public bathrooms mere feet away from each other touching their genitals--men at urinals without even a barrier! With their penises literally in their hands!--is something I think about all the time, and although the bathroom example might not seem similar to the car one, it's really the same thing. In both cases, despite being so close to one another, we are the only thing that exists.
I thought of this same concept today in terms of death. At just about 6:22 this morning, I got horrifically devastating, tragic news: Lil Peep was dead.
Wait. Let's do this again.
At about 6:22 this morning, I got horrifically devastating, tragic news to me: Lil Peep was dead.
It was tragic news to me--tragic enough that I had to turn my music off and ask my son for a hug and sit on my bed and cry and spend all day in a slump scrolling through Twitter as I searched Lil Peep while feeling sick inside--and tragic to my younger son--tragic enough that I either saw or heard him sobbing from roughly 6:25 when he began brushing his teeth until 7:03 when I dropped him off down the street from school and that he text me at 8:45 telling me he couldn't stop crying and later told me he sat in class crying right up until lunch--and tragic to my older son--tragic enough that he told me he'd like to get a switchblade tattoo for Lil Peep--and tragic to Lil Peep's family, friends, and fans--tragic enough for them to cry, feel sick, tweet, and post tributes to him--but it wasn't tragic news to the millions of people who'd either never heard of him or had heard of him and just didn't give a fuck that he was dead.
And this is where things feel weird.
If at some point in the last year Griffin didn't read an article about how Lil Peep was the future of emo and tell Keifer about him and Keifer didn't become completely obsessed with and in love with him and if I were a mom like most moms, well, there would be so many alternatives to the way things are: I would have no idea who Lil Peep even was; if I did know who he was, I wouldn't listen to him; I wouldn't know all about his background and his life; he wouldn't be a daily topic of conversation; he wouldn't have become part of the culture of our house. If any of the ifs, when Lil Peep died, I would either not know about it, not think twice about it other than in the context of, Wow, it's so sad when someone dies so young, or like a great deal of the world, pretty much just not care.
But the ifs
and so
the reality
My reality and thus, someone whose death could mean so little to me means so much.
Other people have their own realities.
Buffy in the Beetle is going to get a call that her mom has cancer tomorrow; Dudley, Dominique, Darla, and little Dwayne in the Ford Focus are going to have to bury Dudley Junior when he gets hit by a drunk driver the day after he turns nineteen; and we already know Eustice just recently lost his wife.
Buffy hurts. Dudley hurts. DominiqueDarlaDwayneEusticeJaredKurtSaraElsieJoeyRickDanTomKimToriSamJanDeanKrisAliGinaJenniferTraceyPaulJohnGeorgeRingoPickANameAnyNameAnyNameWillDo
All the names hurt.
All the names lose someone every single day.
And none of us know, but even if we somehow do--
...
I thought of this same concept today in terms of death. At just about 6:22 this morning, I got horrifically devastating, tragic news: Lil Peep was dead.
Wait. Let's do this again.
At about 6:22 this morning, I got horrifically devastating, tragic news to me: Lil Peep was dead.
It was tragic news to me--tragic enough that I had to turn my music off and ask my son for a hug and sit on my bed and cry and spend all day in a slump scrolling through Twitter as I searched Lil Peep while feeling sick inside--and tragic to my younger son--tragic enough that I either saw or heard him sobbing from roughly 6:25 when he began brushing his teeth until 7:03 when I dropped him off down the street from school and that he text me at 8:45 telling me he couldn't stop crying and later told me he sat in class crying right up until lunch--and tragic to my older son--tragic enough that he told me he'd like to get a switchblade tattoo for Lil Peep--and tragic to Lil Peep's family, friends, and fans--tragic enough for them to cry, feel sick, tweet, and post tributes to him--but it wasn't tragic news to the millions of people who'd either never heard of him or had heard of him and just didn't give a fuck that he was dead.
And this is where things feel weird.
If at some point in the last year Griffin didn't read an article about how Lil Peep was the future of emo and tell Keifer about him and Keifer didn't become completely obsessed with and in love with him and if I were a mom like most moms, well, there would be so many alternatives to the way things are: I would have no idea who Lil Peep even was; if I did know who he was, I wouldn't listen to him; I wouldn't know all about his background and his life; he wouldn't be a daily topic of conversation; he wouldn't have become part of the culture of our house. If any of the ifs, when Lil Peep died, I would either not know about it, not think twice about it other than in the context of, Wow, it's so sad when someone dies so young, or like a great deal of the world, pretty much just not care.
But the ifs
and so
the reality
My reality and thus, someone whose death could mean so little to me means so much.
Other people have their own realities.
Buffy in the Beetle is going to get a call that her mom has cancer tomorrow; Dudley, Dominique, Darla, and little Dwayne in the Ford Focus are going to have to bury Dudley Junior when he gets hit by a drunk driver the day after he turns nineteen; and we already know Eustice just recently lost his wife.
Buffy hurts. Dudley hurts. DominiqueDarlaDwayneEusticeJaredKurtSaraElsieJoeyRickDanTomKimToriSamJanDeanKrisAliGinaJenniferTraceyPaulJohnGeorgeRingoPickANameAnyNameAnyNameWillDo
All the names hurt.
All the names lose someone every single day.
And none of us know, but even if we somehow do--
...
T_T
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