Disclaimer: It's 12:54 on a school night that I'm finishing this post, and I still have to brush my teeth, wash my face, and carry on some correspondence. It will not be proofread.
I had a well thought out plan to write about something specific, but since I'm sitting outside of a Starbucks closed for diversity training waiting for an impromptu date, I'm amending my plan. The should-a-person-end-a-relationship-just-over-sex post will have to wait; you get a holy-fuck-I'm-systematically-ruining-all-the-places-I-normally-go-as-I-date-every-guy-in-a-five-mile-radius post instead.
The description, I suppose, is self-explanatory, enough so that I probably could end this post right now, but I think everyone who knows me knows I always have more than necessary to say, and actually, because the last part of this sentence (the part I'm writing right now) is being written almost six hours later than the first half and a really long date later, my post has actually evolved a little, enough so that the description no longer accurately describes everything I have to say.
The first thing I want to talk about is these people close in proximity that I've been talking to as of late and how it's been affecting my life. First, there's Bumble, which works based on distance. I've been talking to a guy a lot--like a lot a lot--who I met a week and a half ago on Bumble, though we haven't really met. He mentioned once going to the gym and like an idiot I asked him where he went. Since it seems like everyone who lives close to me goes to the same gym (he lives a mere mile away) I knew what the answer was going to be before he even said it: my gym. Like an even bigger idiot, I responded, Hey, that's my gym, too! And now don't you know? I'm afraid to go to the gym. We snap all the time so there's no way he wouldn't know me if he saw me, and I want to meet him in real life, I really do, but bumping into him at the gym just seems like such an awkward place to do it. I already feel uncomfortable and awkward when I walk into that place like everyone is staring, and have to worry about bumping into my ex-Glenn. I don't need to worry about bumping into Bumble Gym Guy, too. In addition to Bumble Gym Guy, there's Bumble Trader Joe, who, in case you haven't gathered, I met on Bumble and he works at Trader Joe's, which is, like, one of my favorite places in the world. I swear if I'd known he worked there beforehand, I wouldn't have swiped right. But I didn't, and I did, and now I have to worry that I'll bump into him and he'll think I'm a crazy stalker whenever I need tortillas or jalapeno lime juice or vegan tikka masala, which is actually way more often than you might think. Or at least I did when I started writing this blog at 8:25. Now, after our over five-hour date during which I voiced my Trader Joe's concerns, I feel more comfortable although I'm not exactly fine.
My point is that as I continue to meet and go on dates with people like I'm on my death bed and it's the elixir of life, I, a girl awkward and nervous no matter what, am creating situations that foster that awkward and nervous, cause it to flourish. Oh--I almost forgot. I said first Bumble; I still haven't mentioned work. While this is slightly different because it's not me dating and it's through no fault of my own, there's a man I work with who recently asked me out--as in last Thursday recent--inundated me with texts throughout the school day, called me while I was driving home from work, and then text me later that night telling me about my sexy body and asking me what I do with it, and I'm now so uncomfortable at work, I don't even want to go to the bathroom because I don't want to leave my room.
What I'm saying--and it's the only thing I'm saying, at 1:16 the evolution of this blog could suck a big fat toe--and I'm sure I'm doing a really bad job of it since it's the middle of the night and besides being exhausted I'm starving to death, is that all these guys are absolutely ruining my life. What's that expression? Don't shit where you eat? Well, life is a banquet and there's poop covering everything.
I had a well thought out plan to write about something specific, but since I'm sitting outside of a Starbucks closed for diversity training waiting for an impromptu date, I'm amending my plan. The should-a-person-end-a-relationship-just-over-sex post will have to wait; you get a holy-fuck-I'm-systematically-ruining-all-the-places-I-normally-go-as-I-date-every-guy-in-a-five-mile-radius post instead.
The description, I suppose, is self-explanatory, enough so that I probably could end this post right now, but I think everyone who knows me knows I always have more than necessary to say, and actually, because the last part of this sentence (the part I'm writing right now) is being written almost six hours later than the first half and a really long date later, my post has actually evolved a little, enough so that the description no longer accurately describes everything I have to say.
The first thing I want to talk about is these people close in proximity that I've been talking to as of late and how it's been affecting my life. First, there's Bumble, which works based on distance. I've been talking to a guy a lot--like a lot a lot--who I met a week and a half ago on Bumble, though we haven't really met. He mentioned once going to the gym and like an idiot I asked him where he went. Since it seems like everyone who lives close to me goes to the same gym (he lives a mere mile away) I knew what the answer was going to be before he even said it: my gym. Like an even bigger idiot, I responded, Hey, that's my gym, too! And now don't you know? I'm afraid to go to the gym. We snap all the time so there's no way he wouldn't know me if he saw me, and I want to meet him in real life, I really do, but bumping into him at the gym just seems like such an awkward place to do it. I already feel uncomfortable and awkward when I walk into that place like everyone is staring, and have to worry about bumping into my ex-Glenn. I don't need to worry about bumping into Bumble Gym Guy, too. In addition to Bumble Gym Guy, there's Bumble Trader Joe, who, in case you haven't gathered, I met on Bumble and he works at Trader Joe's, which is, like, one of my favorite places in the world. I swear if I'd known he worked there beforehand, I wouldn't have swiped right. But I didn't, and I did, and now I have to worry that I'll bump into him and he'll think I'm a crazy stalker whenever I need tortillas or jalapeno lime juice or vegan tikka masala, which is actually way more often than you might think. Or at least I did when I started writing this blog at 8:25. Now, after our over five-hour date during which I voiced my Trader Joe's concerns, I feel more comfortable although I'm not exactly fine.
My point is that as I continue to meet and go on dates with people like I'm on my death bed and it's the elixir of life, I, a girl awkward and nervous no matter what, am creating situations that foster that awkward and nervous, cause it to flourish. Oh--I almost forgot. I said first Bumble; I still haven't mentioned work. While this is slightly different because it's not me dating and it's through no fault of my own, there's a man I work with who recently asked me out--as in last Thursday recent--inundated me with texts throughout the school day, called me while I was driving home from work, and then text me later that night telling me about my sexy body and asking me what I do with it, and I'm now so uncomfortable at work, I don't even want to go to the bathroom because I don't want to leave my room.
What I'm saying--and it's the only thing I'm saying, at 1:16 the evolution of this blog could suck a big fat toe--and I'm sure I'm doing a really bad job of it since it's the middle of the night and besides being exhausted I'm starving to death, is that all these guys are absolutely ruining my life. What's that expression? Don't shit where you eat? Well, life is a banquet and there's poop covering everything.
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