I've been thinking a lot about what I want to write tonight, and when I say thinking a lot about what I want to write tonight, I don't mean trying to figure out what I want to write, I mean I had an idea of something I want to write but have been going back and forth. It's a profession of sorts, of something that in no way needs to be said, something that no good could could come of if anything were to come at all.
I decided to not write the post; I'm just going to write about why I can't write it instead.
The problem, however, is that to write this post correctly, I have to reveal too much, so I'm sorry to inform you, people who read my blog, this one isn't going to make a lot of sense.
What I planned to do was to write about the guys who have been bothering me lately, to tell you how annoying they all are, not because I'm like ooh, everybody wants me because I promise you that's not going on, but because I wanted to tell you that there are only two guys I have any interest in at all. BTJ is obviously one, and the other one is the one who I was going to talk about tonight, to tell you how it's so weird that he's even on my mind and the reason why, but I decided that's not for this blog. I want to tell you, but if I do, he'll totally know who he is; I want to tell you why I can't let you know who he is, but if I do that, he'll also probably know, so admittedly there's very little I can tell you at all.
What I can tell you, though, is this: writing this blog the way I wanted to write it would do nothing but start trouble. It would start up something--or try to start up something because in all honesty that would be the primary reason for my writing it--that doesn't need to be started--that can't practically be started, thank God (thank God? Yes! thank God...I suppose)--that could ruin people's lives.
Why, then, if making this interest known could cause so much damage, is it something I remotely want to do? Why consider it at all?
Because I'm selfish, duh. Because I want what I want. Because I fail the marshmallow test miserably. Because I'm all about my id.
But
I've already ruined enough lives. It's a business I no longer want to be in.
I decided to not write the post; I'm just going to write about why I can't write it instead.
The problem, however, is that to write this post correctly, I have to reveal too much, so I'm sorry to inform you, people who read my blog, this one isn't going to make a lot of sense.
What I planned to do was to write about the guys who have been bothering me lately, to tell you how annoying they all are, not because I'm like ooh, everybody wants me because I promise you that's not going on, but because I wanted to tell you that there are only two guys I have any interest in at all. BTJ is obviously one, and the other one is the one who I was going to talk about tonight, to tell you how it's so weird that he's even on my mind and the reason why, but I decided that's not for this blog. I want to tell you, but if I do, he'll totally know who he is; I want to tell you why I can't let you know who he is, but if I do that, he'll also probably know, so admittedly there's very little I can tell you at all.
What I can tell you, though, is this: writing this blog the way I wanted to write it would do nothing but start trouble. It would start up something--or try to start up something because in all honesty that would be the primary reason for my writing it--that doesn't need to be started--that can't practically be started, thank God (thank God? Yes! thank God...I suppose)--that could ruin people's lives.
Why, then, if making this interest known could cause so much damage, is it something I remotely want to do? Why consider it at all?
Because I'm selfish, duh. Because I want what I want. Because I fail the marshmallow test miserably. Because I'm all about my id.
But
I've already ruined enough lives. It's a business I no longer want to be in.
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